You Can’t Sit Here Alone—And That’s the Point
Takeaways on balance from 60 years of life!
It’s June and summer is here, as is my birthday🎂, my first granddaughter🍼, and the sweltering sun☀️(like it or not)!
For many people, summer means change to the routine, and although these can be great they aren’t always easy to balance. Today, I’ll dive into what balance truly looks like, and conver concepts such as shared balance, mutual regulation, and allostatis.
I hope you find it both insightful and enjoyable!
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Balance Is Not Symmetrical. It’s Responsive.
In a quiet corner of a park in Einbeck, Germany, artist Martin Binder has created a piece of public art with a simple but profound message. His Balance Bench—a long wooden plank teetering on a central cylinder—can’t be used by just one person. Binder says:
“It cannot be used alone. It demands awareness, consensus, and cooperation between people to become a functional public space.”
This bench isn’t just a design quirk, it’s a metaphor for life.
So much of what we value—connection, growth, well-being—relies not on standing firm alone, but on our ability to move with and alongside others. Life doesn’t ask for perfect balance, but for shared balance, and that’s a much more human and attainable goal.
I’ve been thinking a lot about this lately. I recently became a grandparent, and I’ll be turning 60 in a matter of weeks. Both milestones have brought me to a slower kind of reflection. Holding my granddaughter for the first time reminded me how innate connection is, wrapped in a blanket full of vulnerability. It made me think about presence—how we show up in the lives of others, and how deeply we depend on one another to stay emotionally, and sometimes physically upright.
There’s a psychological concept called mutual regulation, which captures this beautifully. It describes how our nervous systems are designed to co-regulate—how we find calm, safety, and emotional steadiness not in isolation, but through connection. A shared moment, eye contact, a simple touch—these aren’t extras. They’re how we’re wired to reset.
But to truly maintain balance over time, something deeper is required. That’s where another concept comes in: allostasis. Unlike homeostasis—which is about keeping things the same—allostasis is about achieving stability through change. Our bodies, brains, and relationships are constantly adjusting in response to new demands. Adaptability is a strength, and the most resilient people aren’t the ones who hold still—they’re the ones who respond.
Binder’s Balance Bench reminds us of this truth: our stability depends on others. But not just their presence—it depends on our willingness to adjust to them in real time. The bench only works when people notice one another, respond to subtle shifts, and act with a shared purpose. That’s a lesson worth applying to our relationships, our communities, and even the way we care for ourselves.
Balance isn’t about symmetry. It’s about responsiveness. It’s about choosing meaningful connections (with yourself and others), again and again, even when life feels uncertain or uneven. Because in the end, what keeps us grounded isn’t standing alone—it’s about leaning in, together.
Next Steps for Happier Beings
Take a moment to ask yourself the following questions. Be honest with yourself. Notice how your responses make you feel. Answer the questions in your head, or better yet, write them down so you can come back to them later:
Where in your life are you still trying to sit alone on the bench? (e.g. “It takes me way too long to ask for help, even when I need it most. My pride gets in the way of setting personal and/or professional boundaries, and I often burn out.”)
Are you resisting change, when the real key to balance is adaptation? (e.g. “I’m closing myself off to a new relationship because I don’t want to go through the difficult dating cycle again, and deep down I’m scared of getting hurt.”)
Who helps you stay steady—and how can you return the favor? (e.g. “My partner is the one who gets me out of a funk, even when I have a hard time asking for help. They can see through my maladaptive habits. I’ll make an effort to check in on them more.”)
Content for Happier Beings
I’ve spent a lot of time looking into my granddaughter's eyes recently. It turns out that 4 minutes of uninterrupted eye contact can have a big effect on connection, no matter how long you’ve known someone for. Check out this Soul Pancake video on how to connect with anyone using this method.
There’s a wonderful new National Geographic docuseries called “Secrets of the Penguins” I highly recommend. It turns out that Emperor Penguins form a much more complex huddle to stay warm than we originally thought. Their balance, adaptation, and reliance on one another sets a remarkable example for us all!
If you haven’t heard the song "Connection” by OneRepublic yet, you should take a listen—it came out several years ago. Like many songs throughout the years, it focuses on searching for and appreciating connections in this world. At this point, I assume that’s no surprise to you!
As usual, please feel free to hit reply and share your thoughts. What would you like to see more of in these newsletters? What questions do you have about mental health and happiness?
And as always, I’m here for you.
Warmly,
Dr. Tal Leead, Psy.D.
happierbeing.com
“Plans are only good intentions unless they immediately degenerate into hard work.”
– Peter Drucker