The double-edged sword of sharing your goals
Why sharing your goals feels right but might go wrong...
Did you set any goals for the new year this month? Ssshhh, wait! Don’t share it yet.
Sharing your goals with others can be a powerful motivator, but it can also have unintended consequences that may actually hinder your progress. While opening up about your aspirations can feel empowering and inspiring, it’s important to understand the psychological dynamics at play—both positive and negative.
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The Positive Side of Sharing Goals
When we share our goals with others, we often receive positive feedback, encouragement, and validation. This social acknowledgment can activate the brain’s reward and motivation systems, particularly in areas like the ventral striatum and prefrontal cortex. These areas are associated with feelings of pleasure and reinforcement, which can make the goal feel more tangible and achievable.
For example, imagine telling a friend that you’re planning to run a marathon. Their excitement and words of support might boost your confidence, energize you, and make the goal feel more real. This initial boost can serve as a catalyst, inspiring you to take the first steps toward your goal.
The Reverse Effect: Why Sharing Can Backfire
While the positive reinforcement from sharing your goals can be motivating, research suggests that it can also have a paradoxical effect. When you share your goal and receive praise or recognition for it, your brain may interpret this social acknowledgment as a substitute for actual progress. In other words, the satisfaction you get from talking about your goal can diminish the drive to take action.
This phenomenon, sometimes referred to as the “intention-action gap,” highlights a crucial pitfall: if you’ve already received the psychological reward from sharing, you might feel less compelled to put in the effort to achieve the goal. This effect can be particularly pronounced if you haven’t yet started working toward your goal. The sense of accomplishment derived from merely discussing your intentions can create a false sense of progress, leading to procrastination or even abandonment of the goal.
A study from New York University found that publicly declaring intentions can give individuals a premature sense of completeness, reducing the likelihood of follow-through on their goals. This false sense of accomplishment can make you feel good, as if you’ve taken a step forward, even though you haven’t done much in reality. Additionally, discussing your goal with others creates a form of social reality—a perception that you are closer to achieving it simply because you’ve talked about it.
In a related experiment, participants were asked to etch their goals onto a monument as a way of publicly declaring them. The results revealed that those who participated in this public act had an unrealistic estimation of how much of their goal they had completed after being given 45 minutes to work on it. In contrast, those who did not “post” their goals had a more realistic perception of their progress, leading to better alignment between their efforts and actual outcomes.
In other words, one can say that sharing goals too early can confuse “talking” with “doing,” as the act of verbal affirmation might substitute the feeling of progress for actual effort or progress. It is possible that sharing goals prematurely taps into this phenomenon, where the “feel-good” reward of acknowledgment drains the energy needed for follow-through.
Next Steps for Happier Beings
To navigate this double-edged sword, it’s important to strike a balance between leveraging social support and maintaining accountability:
Be selective about what you share. Share your goals with people who will not only encourage you but also hold you accountable. Instead of general praise, seek specific feedback or actionable advice. Ask them to hold you accountable to the actionable steps you commit to take in order to achieve your goal.
Set milestones and celebrate quietly. You don’t always have to tell everyone what you’re doing. They’ll see it when it’s done. But do celebrate small victories, privately or with a trusted circle, keeping the emphasis on consistent effort rather than public acknowledgment.
Use social sharing strategically. If sharing your goals helps you stay motivated, frame it as a commitment. For example, telling someone, “I’m committing to running three times a week to prepare for a marathon” sets a clear expectation and invites accountability.
First take action, then share. If you’ve committed to a marathon, start training before you start sharing. Or, to put it another way, before you shout your dreams from the rooftops, make sure you've at least put on your running shoes. No one ever crossed the finish line just by talking about it!
Content for Happier Beings
Sharing your goals publicly or with everyone you know might not be the best strategy for actually reaching those goals. But it does still help to share them with a loved one who can keep you accountable. Here’s how to help your loved ones stick to their goals.
If you want to learn more about how to set and achieve your goals using science-based protocols, consider listening to this episode of the Huberman lab podcast.
If you’re having trouble figuring out your goals to begin with, consider writing exercises with prompts that encourage you to explore your past, present, and future. Writing can be a great way to discover what will bring your life meaning. Here’s a great resource: selfauthoring.com
As usual, please feel free to hit reply and share your thoughts. What would you like to see more of in these newsletters? What questions do you have about mental health and happiness?
And as always, I’m here for you.
Warmly,
Dr. Tal Leead, Psy.D.
happierbeing.com
“Plans are only good intentions unless they immediately degenerate into hard work.”
– Peter Drucker
I don't think people talk about this enough! So much public sharing and in the end unrealized gain. Sometimes it feels like we've forgotten how to celebrate small wins quietly and feel enough content or reward from just that.